I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
