I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
