My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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