omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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