Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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