The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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