we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
