why didn't you poke me back
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
