There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
