At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
