i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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