Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
