Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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