Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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