Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
