this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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