I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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