I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
