i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
