You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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