He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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