Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
