Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
