omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
