A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
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Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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