when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
