I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My pussy is not your playground.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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