I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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