im about as happy as oj after his trial
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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