dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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