Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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