she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If I die, sorry about rent.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
