He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
