I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
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If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
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I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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