I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
