Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
