never play flip cup with pint glasses
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
