i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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