Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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