I wish I only lived at night.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
