i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
