having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
