MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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