I'm sorry my penis didn't work
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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