i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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