he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
