I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
