white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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