I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
