Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
