Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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