Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
