There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
