Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
