i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
