I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
