she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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