I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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