Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
