Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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