the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
