Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
