Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize