her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
