You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
