she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
