At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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