We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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