I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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