That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
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