I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
