I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
is wine microwaveable?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
