i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
