yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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