this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
that's an acceptable place to lick
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
