I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
