May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
